Time to Go
by TamieH
Summary: Another after the reveal. Deckerstar need a good argument to clear the air. Nothing about season 4 spoilers. My first Lucifer fanfic.


The sun is shining in Los Angeles and I should be enjoying the view from my penthouse, but I see nothing as I stand on my balcony. My vision is turned inward to some very unhappy thoughts. I'm Lucifer Morningstar and I'm waiting for my detective to get here so I can say goodbye.

It's been unpleasant between us since the day Pierce died and Chloe got a good look at my face. I didn't leave town that day, but maybe I should have. It would have been easier than watching her lose the warmth I have grown accustomed to.

I remember hearing her approach as I knelt next to Pierce. It was such a relief that she made it through the ambush, but when I turned to greet her, everything was so wrong. The look on her face. I couldn't understand it, until I saw my reflection in a nearby silver platter.

At first she stared at me, eyes wide with fear, and I knew she would run. I wanted to turn away, to hide, to be anyone but the monster I am. For a full ten seconds she struggled with herself, perhaps remembering my words that if she knew all of me she would run away. Chloe is very brave. She fought down her terror and stood her ground. I could see her putting all the pieces together in her head; revisiting every conversation with her new knowledge. She pulled herself together, and told me it would be okay, but it wasn't.

She watches me whenever I'm near, as if I might turn on her at any moment. As if she doesn't know me at all. I've realized that what I feel for Chloe is real, but her feelings for me died when she finally accepted the truth. I can't blame her. After all, I am the devil.

We work together, but there is no joking, no sharing of personal thoughts. She has put an invisible wall around herself and I am not allowed in.

Maze suggested that I open a new club in Paris or Hong Kong; to move and get a new perspective on humans. I'm thinking Paris.

The sound of the elevator doors draws me away from my thoughts, and there she is, my beautiful, blonde detective striding into my home.

"You wanted to see me?" she asks.

I meet her in the center of the room, my eyes trying to memorize her face, her body. "Yes, detective, I did."

I pace away from her, more to get myself under control than anything. She is the one woman I desire for myself. She is also the one woman who isn't compelled by my nature to desire me. It's exciting and frustrating.

I realize the silence is stretching out, so I make a decision on how to start the conversation. A direct approach will be best. I turn back to face her, to look into her eyes as I ask, "Why are you still working with me?"

Chloe seems surprised, but she answers, "The new Captain wouldn't understand if we just stopped working together. We make a good team. It seems best to keep things normal."

"I see. You are keeping up appearances."

Chloe nodded, looking a bit uncertain, "Right. Keeping things business as usual."

I give her a slight smile, "By all means, lets be business-like."

Then I remind myself to get on with it and do what I need to do. With a frown, I say, "No. I won't do this any longer. I didn't leave Hell just to be put in another. Detective, I can't take it anymore."

She stares at me like I have gone mad, saying, "You can't take it anymore? Lucifer, you're a fallen Angel, the Devil himself. Hell is real. God is real, and I've been working with you for years thinking you were troubled and... quirky." She paces away from me as she says, "Not even close." Then she turns back to stand right in front of me, looking indignant, with her hands on her hips and her head tipped back to meet my eyes, "You told me the truth KNOWING I wouldn't believe it. You didn't try nearly hard enough to make me understand."

"I tried, Detective. Things kept getting in the way."

"You had plenty of chances," she shouts. "Anytime before I almost married Pierce would have been good!"

"Don't bring that up. Pierce didn't deserve you," I answer. Then, unable to stop myself, I add quietly, "and neither do I."

Chloe pays no attention to my admission. She seems caught up in her own thoughts as she says, "I need to bring it up. I mean, beyond the fact that you aren't even human, I need to understand why you have treated me the way you have. You saved me from certain death by poisoning and I thought once I got out of the hospital, we were going to be together. Then you leave without a word and get married. You come back and want to be friends? You step between me and a knife attack. You give me a prom night, then turn around and act as if you don't even like me anymore. It hurts, Lucifer."

I can see the pain in her eyes and it goes straight to my gut. There was a time when she wanted me, but I couldn't believe it and ruined everything. Before I can say I'm sorry, she continues a bit more calmly, "When Pierce started to pay attention to me, you got really weird. You acted like it wasn't a big deal, then you tried to out-do him, but you couldn't or wouldn't give me a reason why you cared."

She stares down at my piano as she continues, "When you finally said you had feelings for me, I thought we were getting somewhere, then I saw your other side." She seems lost in thought for a moment, but gives her head a little shake and looks directly into my eyes, "Lucifer, this whole thing is making me crazy. I need to understand."

I take a deep breath, knowing I owe her the explanation she wants so badly. This much I can do before I go, "Well, since you seem to want to get everything out, to understand... here's something you need to see."

I unfurl my wings. They have healed and are back to perfection, which annoys me, and the glow gets on my nerves, so I've decided to ignore them for the most part.

Chloe stumbles back and stares at them in awe. "You really have wings." She laughs and I'm afraid she might become hysterical, but she controls herself. She reaches out hesitantly, stopping before actually touching me to ask permission, "May I?"

I give her a nod and hold very still as she runs her fingers gently along the top edge then down to brush her fingertips across one long feather. She seems stunned, and I hear her whisper, "Beautiful."

Her innocent touch sends electricity down my spine, and I suddenly want to toss her on to my bed. I shiver involuntarily and suck in a breath as I notice the look in her eyes. For a split-second, I think she is aware of what her touch is doing to me. But no, I'm wrong. The look is gone and she is stepping away.

I clear my throat and quickly fold my wings away, but I can't meet her eyes as I say, "I needed to show you my wings to answer one of your questions. I got your cure for the poison by flying down to Hell and talking with the killer. But after you were out of danger, I had to leave. You see, I found out that my father put you in my path. You were born because Amenadiel blessed your Mother."

I try to gauge Chloe's reaction, but her face is passive, almost withdrawn. I wonder if I've pushed her over the edge, but she nods so I continue, "I married Candy to keep you safe because if my father knew his plan was working, believed you were important..., I mean you needed your free will." I stop talking, not sure what I want to say anymore. It seems unnecessary to make more of a fool of myself, so I finish quickly, "Well it's rather hard to explain."

How do I bring her up to speed on everything? Three years is a lot to go over, so I try to sum up, "As you pointed out, I'm not human, except when I'm near you. You see that is why I was so surprised when you shot me and I bled. That's not normal. The bullet should have bounced off. But for some reason you make me physically vulnerable."

I want to make that point very clear. No sense letting her know I'm 'emotionally open' to her as Linda would say. I do still have my pride.

She nods in acceptance , so I keep talking, "I don't understand the softer emotions very well as those are new to me. You see, the Devil isn't supposed to care. I know evil because I punish evil, but that can be draining, so when I visit earth it is strictly for pleasure."

Chloe's head snaps up and she repeats, "pleasure." She suddenly looks disappointed as she says, "So you come here to play with humans. You barge into my life and make decisions for me, keep secrets, try to make me another sexual conquest, and generally treat me like a toy?"

She is getting it all wrong. I really need a drink, but I shrug and say, "I did what I thought was best."

She shakes her head and holds up her index finger, "No, you did what was easiest for you. I don't think you gave my feelings even the slightest consideration, just like when you ran off to Vegas and married Candy. You couldn't have hurt me more if you tried, Lucifer." She takes a deep breath, sudden upset, "You say you left because I was put in your path... what does that even mean? I'm not a pawn. My choices are my own. And even though I'm not divine or immortal, I matter! I'm not your toy or your pet!"

Chloe stops suddenly, and I can tell by the look on her face that she is wondering if she's gone too far; pushed the Devil too much. It makes me angry enough that I catch the reflection of my eyes flashing red in the mirror behind the bar. I rein in my temper and feel the heat leave my eyes.

Still I've had enough. I can't help the indignant tone of my voice as I have my turn, "I didn't give your feelings any consideration? I've done nothing but consider your feelings. I may be immortal, for the most part, but that just means I have more time to screw things up. I married Candy to protect you; to keep you from being used in my father's plan, whatever that was. I acted like I didn't want to be around you to protect you from my family. I stepped aside and watched Pierce worm his way into you life because it seemed to make you happy. And believe it or not, your happiness matters to me.

I realize I'm shouting at her, but I can't help it. I imagine my eyes are glowing steadily red, but I need to get this out of my system.

"I've tried to make your happiness and safety my top priority, while denying my own desires, which is a bloody first for me, Detective. Then you see my devil face. I didn't even know I had changed. I had just taken care of Pierce and his gang of ruffians, and there you were. I'll never forget the look in your eyes. If you think that didn't," I search for the right words... kill me, make me hate myself more, come to mind, but I switch it to something easier to admit, "bother me, you're wrong."

I suddenly feel so tired and Chloe looks stunned. I just need to get through this, so I continue, "I've tried to be there for you, tried to pretend I don't care, tried to give you space, stayed on truly boring cases, and nothing works. None of this is what's easiest for me. And to top it off, the child thinks I've gone away because you are afraid to let me near her."

Something like sadness tugs at me, but I put it aside. The Devil does not get sad.

Chloe studies my face, looking more curious than scared "Why do you are? I thought you despised children."

I walk away from her to grab a bottle from the bar and pour a drink. "That was before. Trixie is an exception." I smile at the thought of her, but shut that feeling down fast, and try to get back to the topic at hand, "But that's not the point, Chloe."

"What is the point?"

Her curious, upturned face scatters my thoughts, but I force myself to continue. "The point is, now that you know all of me, you can't accept my monstrous side, just as I expected. And as much as I've tried, I can't stop being the Devil. Not even for you."

I give her a small smile, and shrug, "I'm tired of pretending that we're okay, tired of brooding." I pour myself another drink, downing it quickly to dull the ache of what I'm saying, "my bed has been empty for months..."

Chloe's sharp intake of breath tells me I've hit a sore spot. My bed, and sexual activities could be the thing that will drive her away from me for good. But the thought of using that sickens me.

She scowls at me and is suddenly so angry. "Nobody told you to stop having sex." She strides toward the elevator throwing the words over her shoulder, "Have as much as you want, sleep with the entire city, the entire state, if you haven't already. I don't care!"

And with that, she's walking out of my life again. I can't think straight as I see her leaving me. It doesn't matter that I mean to leave her. I have to get this bloody feeling out.

I slam my glass down on the bar, shattering it, and follow her, "Well I do. Damn it all. I love you!"

My yelled confession falls into complete silence as Chloe stops dead, her back to me. She drops her head and takes a deep breath. Then she turns to face me, meeting my stricken eyes.

Her own eyes are sheeted with tears, "What did you say?"

I take an involuntary step back, shocked by the words I've given her. I need to make it not true, to erase the very thought from my mind. I bow my head, eyes downcast as I apologize. "Sorry, I was angry. I shouldn't have... please ignore me."

I feel her move to stand directly in front of me, and she reaches out to touch my arm. I'm undone as she softly demands, "Lucifer, what did you say?"

"Chloe, I said I love you," I give her a slight smile, but my chest hurts as it always does when I think of leaving her, "I didn't mean to. I know it's not fair to you and it certainly isn't fair to me, I'm what you see before you, but I'm also the Devil. It's impossible."

When she continues to watch me silently, I add, "I'm truly sorry. This is a huge cosmic joke on me, and your the punchline. I come to L.A. to have fun, then we meet, and before I know it I'm in love with you. You were created to be my perfect mate. A beautiful, smart, driven, woman. One who isn't effected by my gift. A woman who gave the Devil a chance to do a few small, good things. You are the most important person in my long, pointless life. I tried to give you up once before, but I couldn't do it. Please tell me you can't return my feelings, tell me you fear me, and I'll leave town. I give you my word, you will never see me again if you tell me to go."

I send a glance of disdain heavenward, "Dad has royally screwed me this time."

I finally look at Chloe and am horrified to see tears running down her face. I've obviously said something wrong.

She notices my expression and hastily wipes the moisture away while smiling at me, "Lucifer, these tears are for you. I still don't know how to deal with everything, but there is a connection between us and I don't want you to go anywhere. I'm so sorry that you think I could fear you. I don't. I fear all the knowledge that comes with your existence and I'm still trying to deal with it, but you are a good man. You're my partner. I trust you, and I love you. I have for a long time,"

I feel the world turn upside down. I can't seem to get any words out.

I just stare as Chloe reaches for my hand and says, "We need to talk. ALOT." She takes hold of my arm then tugs up my shirt cuff in distress, "Oh, you've cut yourself!"

I see the small line of blood form on my wrist where the broken bar glass grazed me. And I feel stupidly happy because she does love me.

She's my own personal miracle and without realizing it, I send a prayer of thanks to Dad for sending her to me.

Dazed, I star down at her, studying her face. "I'm never going to understand you." I move in to kiss her, pausing just a breath away, "But I'll never stop trying, Detective."

I take her lips gently with mine and she opens for me. Every kiss, every seduction, across the eons of time drops away from me and there is only her.

I can finally kiss her as I've always desired; and the passion flows between us. Chloe pulls me close and kisses me back with all she is.

In my mind I hear the echo of a song - I fell in love with you heart and soul... and for a split-second I wonder if Dad is still pulling the strings. But honestly, it no longer matters. Chloe is in my arms.


End file.
